


Recovery

by Traviosita9124



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Finding their way back to each other, Post 4x20, post season four speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 19:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traviosita9124/pseuds/Traviosita9124
Summary: Even after being rescued, Fitz has trouble settling back into life at the Playground. Jemma has something to say about that.





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> I had a niggling little idea for a post-season four recovery fic and wanted to get it out before the next episode airs and rips it all to shreds. 
> 
> I'm just haunted by the idea that all AIDA did was rewrite herself in over Jemma, so all of Fitz' happy memories - from holding her hand and going on dates to their first time together - have been tarnished. Depending on how the last two episodes play out I may revisit this idea over the summer, but for now this is all there is.

“You’re avoiding me.”

 

Fitz froze, hunched over the open dresser drawer. He hadn’t expected Jemma to come into his new quarters, although he really should have known better. Even with his splintered memories merging her with Ophelia, he could remember Jemma’s particular brand of tenacity. It also meant he knew denying her accusation would be useless. 

 

“I am,” he ground out between his lips, afraid that if he tried to say anything more he would break entirely. And he was so sick of breaking. 

 

“Will you at least tell me why?”

 

Fitz could hear the tears in her voice and closed his eyes against his own threatening wave of emotion. She was the last person he could ever want to hurt, but the knot of his memories only tightened when she was around. Still, he steeled himself and shut the drawer before turning around to face her. 

 

“Jemma, I’m not sure you’ll understand-”

 

“How can I if you won’t bloody talk to me?” She was on him then, stepping into his personal space without touching him - she’d learned quickly that her touch would only scorch him these days - but still near enough to force his attention. “What can I do, Fitz? Please, I -”

 

“Don’t. Don’t say  _ tha’ _ .” Jemma looked as though he’d struck her, and Fitz supposed he may as well have. But he couldn’t hear those words right now, not so soon after hearing them fall from another pair of lips. “I don’t deserve it, Jemma.”

 

A tear actually fell down her cheek as she inched even closer. Fitz could see her lip trembling and had to fight the urge to cup her cheek in his hand. He knew what she would say. The litany of reasons she believed he was a good man - his non-lethal weapons, his ability to find the good in people, his work to help Inhumans - followed quickly by the fact that all humans have a darkness. That she herself had wanted to commit murder and had been perfectly willing to until he talked her down. 

 

“‘M not  _ him _ . ‘M not  _ your  _ Fitz anymore, Jemma. I- oh, God, I-” It was his turn to stare at the floor as, to his horror, tears began to fall. “I killed people, Jemma. Withou’ a second though’, I killed people. Agnes. Mace. I ordered missions at the drop o’ a hat and I didn’t care who I migh’ hurt in the long run. So long as  _ she  _ was pleased. So long as HYDRA was stable.”

 

“Oh, Fitz-”

 

He looked up then to see Jemma crying herself, her face twisted with sorrow and pity. That only served to push the knife that was working its way through his gut deeper, twisting as it went. The faith shining in her eyes was too much for Fitz to bear. He had the sudden, terrifying thought that she could see everything he’d ever thought - both here and in the Framework - and automatically dropped his head so he wouldn’t need to meet her gaze. 

 

“Bu’ tha’s not even the worst o’ it, Jemma. The wors’ is… Ophelia, AIDA, she didn’t jus’ make me think-” He swallowed, unsure of how to press on but knowing he needed to tell Jemma what had happened. He needed to explain to her why he wasn’t worthy of her anymore. “She rewrote me. Us. Anything we’d done together, any memory we’d made, she inserted herself. T’ the point tha’ I loved her. I  _ loved  _ her, every part of her. The way I only ever remember lovin’ you. An’ I’m scared I still can’t tell th’ difference.”

 

Fitz had screwed his eyes shut as he spoke, although whether it was to keep his tears from falling or to hide from Jemma he couldn’t say. His fear kept him from opening them, lest he see Jemma walking away from him from the last time. Fitz couldn’t see how she might forgive him; he’d been with another woman - and despite the reassurances of the team and knowing he hadn’t been entirely in control, it still  _ felt  _ like cheating on Jemma. He didn’t deserve her, not anymore. 

 

He flinched at the press of her fingertips into his cheeks, both from the sudden coolness and the memory of Ophelia’s far less tender touch. He could feel Jemma’s gaze boring into him, and he swallowed thickly as he waited for her to say something, anything. 

 

“Leopold James Fitz, I love you.” Her words washed warmly over his jaw and Fitz felt himself shudder and step nearer to her. It was an instinct, and somehow despite all that AIDA had done, Jemma still felt like home. “I love you and I know you love me. And if we survived the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., learning about Inhumans, and an unexpected sabbatical on another planet, well,” he felt Jemma lean in to press her forehead against his cheek, “we will survive this.”

 

The certainty in her voice shook Fitz to the core. He collapsed into her, his arms wrapping around the love of his life and clinging without a second thought. AIDA had managed to replicate a lot of Jemma where Ophelia was concerned, but she hadn’t ever figured out to make herself feel like home. 

 

“Bu’ what if we don’t?” He hated the tremor in his voice, but pushed that feeling to the side. His fear was genuine and he needed Jemma to know it. 

 

“We will,” she insisted, pulling back just far enough to press a kiss to Fitz’ forehead. “We’ll start over if we have to, go slow. But one thing I know is that we  _ will  _ survive this.”

 

Fitz’ heart swelled with affection for Jemma and his arms tightened further around her. 

“I love y’, Jemma,” Fitz whispered into her hair. Being able to say those words without being manipulated into it felt like weight being lifted from his shoulders, and for the first time since being freed, Fitz was actually able to believe that there was a brighter future ahead. One that featured a cottage in Perthshire and maybe even a set of matching rings.  

 

But what grounded him more than anything was the certainty that so long as they had each other, everything would be all right. 


End file.
